is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
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