There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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