I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
