You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
