hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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