my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
