I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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