new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
