i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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