my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize