dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
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I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
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What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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