This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
