I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
