The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We were destined to go to rehab together
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
