Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
