he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
