i would punch a child for taco bell
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
