So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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