explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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