People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
