"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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