ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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