god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
