I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
