i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
