Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
