Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
