Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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