he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
