connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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