If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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