Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Randomize
