Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I look better un-naked...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
