Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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