Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
