i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she smelled like a LAN party
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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