either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
