My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize