he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
