I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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