My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
