M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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