If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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