i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
