sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
