Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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