im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
