my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
