last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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