They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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