meet me or not, i'm out of control
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
