Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
