It's like God shit irony all over that family
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
