the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
