shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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