Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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