Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
