I want to have your abortion
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
