Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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