Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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