Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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