I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
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got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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