Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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