Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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