Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
