remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
