people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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