i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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