i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
